The Matriarchy.

I have had the opportunity of listening to feminist scholar bell hooks speak on a couple different occasions. The first time I heard her speak was in a seminar as part of a class I was taking. It was the second semester of my freshman year, in college. I had gone through a few stints as an atheist-progressive in high school, but had recommitted myself to the Institution of Organized Religion six months before starting college. Not because I was a believer, but because I was afraid to be alone in a new place and the structure of LDS meetings was familiar to me. I transferred schools at the end of my first semester, and arrived at my current place of education as a Patriarchal Apologist. Before aforementioned seminar, we were required to read hooks' book, All About Love. Though I found many passages in hooks' work to be very beautiful, I came away with a sour taste in my mouth for the word "feminism." It seemed nothing more to me than staging a coup, kicking all the men out of positions of power, and assigning women to these vacated seats. Same structure. Different people. And that just seemed like it would create a mess...so what would be the point?

Many of my Apologist friends felt the same way. One such friend brought up this point to ms. hooks. Though I do not remember what she said, verbatim, the general idea was along these lines:

Taking all the men out of their positions of power and replacing them with women does not eliminate Patriarchy. A "Matriarchal" structure is still Patriarchal. A Feminist community ensures equality for all people. When a system perpetuates inequality, it is Patriarchal. Regardless of the gender of those running the system. Women in positions of power can still effectually perpetuate Patriarchy, just as there can be male feminists. Replacing all the men in power with women, within the current structure, will not change the fact that the system is Patriarchal.

At least, that is what I remember the general idea being of her answer to our question.

"Yes, yes, Sefii. Your point?"

My point is that, after my dad died, my home became a Matriarchy. My mother was head of household. (Our circumstances were unique, in that my mother had not worked since I was a year old, and did not return to the workforce until I was 16. We lived off insurance policies, a few small investments, Social Security Survivor's Benefits, the kindness of friends/family/strangers, and the assistance of the LDS church's welfare programs.) Yet, as in any LDS household, the structure remained Patriarchal. We had no man to bear God's authority in our home, but we were raised as any other LDS children with parents faithful to the Gospel.

****Disclaimer****

I do not want this to seem as though my mother is the villain in my narrative. She is not. I love my mother with all my heart. She did what she thought was best, through the circumstances that occurred in our lives. Given the same circumstances, I cannot say that I would've reacted in a "better" manner. My mother's life has been, and continues to be, centered around her faith in God, her belief that Jesus Christ is her Savior -- and helps her to bear the burdens of this life -- and her temple covenants that, if kept, allow her, her children, and her dead husband to be together for eternity in a life after this one. These things keep her moving. I have no doubt that she believes these things to be true.



I don't. I appreciate that my mother believes in something so strongly. I respect that. But I don't feel the same way.

The teachings of the Gospel, in which my mother finds so much comfort and strength, taught me that my worth as a woman is lesser than the worth of my male siblings. That, in order to be "whole," I need to spend my days preparing to be someone's wife, because marriage is a prerequisite to entering the Kingdom of God. That I should not desire to be sexual until I am married (in the temple) to a return missionary/faithful Priesthood holder who will provide for me and the many children I will bear him. That I am responsible for ensuring that I am not walking pornography to the men who see me. (This includes family members. I have been warned, many times, that if my brothers look at pornography, it will be because of my necklines.) That sexual deviances committed between myself and a man are MY fault, because my manner of dress will have led him into temptation. (This also applies to instances of rape and sexual assault.) That I am to be ashamed of my body. That people who are not heterosexual should still lead heterosexual lives. That if I don't agree with the opinion of a Priesthood authority, then I am the one in the wrong. That I am to pursue an education, but only insofar as this leads to me meeting and marrying a man. That the female body is a tool of Satan.

That is what I learned, being raised in the Matriarchy. This is what I am trying to un-learn.